Well…when I think of my husband, what I miss most about him is the way he used to lie down next to me at night. Sometimes his arm would stretch along my chest, and I could not move, I… I even held my breath. But I felt safe, complete. And… I miss the way he was whistling walking down the street. And every time I do something I think of what he would say, when it’s cold today, wear a scarf.
But lately I’ve been forgetting little things. It’s sort of fading and I’m starting to forget him. And it’s like…like losing him again. So sometimes I make myself remember every detail of his face. The exact color of his eyes, his lips, his teeth, the texture of his skin, his hair. That was all gone by the time he went. And sometimes… not always, bus sometimes, I can actually see him. It’s as if a cloud moves away and there he is. And I could almost touch him. But then… the real world rushes in. And he vanishes again.
For a while, I did this every morning, when the sun was not too bright outside. But the sun somehow makes him vanish. And he appears and he disappears, like a sunrise and a sunset. Anything, so ephemeral. It’s just like our life. We appear and we disappear. And we are so important to some, but we are just… passing through.
"We appear and we disappear. And we are so important to some, but we are just… passing through." 这句是我最喜欢的。